May 25th, 2018 – Ramallah
I am about to go on the “political tour” of Ramallah with A and a girl from France named J. Staying at the Hostel in Ramallah currently. Formulating a new book idea that I want to call, Warrior Without a Cause. Need to recharge my SIM before I recross the border. On Monday heading to airport to go back to the States for my uncle’s wedding and great great aunt’s retirement. She is a boss. Enshallah all goes as planned.
Can we rebuild a world where everyone lives in the present moment fully and does not live “in the future” or “plans” for the future more than a year or so?
I more or less disagree with the idea of forcing a “weaker” people to be strong. If they were truly strong, they wouldn’t need help. By “helping” people in actuality we in some ways make them even “weaker.”
Write a book on a father and son who are both undiagnosed schizophrenics. They have an explosive and ‘horrible’ relationship in the beginning, but eventually make it through and are able to come to terms with what they are or “have”. Eventually they come to be very successful in their relationship as well as “in life” as time goes by.
Become a damn musician already. Look up a way to write music by humming automatically into a system that can recognize notes.
A dull evening in a rundown village
Eyes half asleep
I recall thirty years
And five wars
I swear the future keeps
My ear of corn
And the singer croons
About a fire and some strangers
And the evening is just another evening
And the singer croons
And they asked him:
Why do you sing?
And he answered:
I sing because I sing…
And they searched his chest
But could only find his heart
And they searched his heart
But could only find his people
And they searched his voice
But could only find his grief
And they searched his grief
But could only find his prison
And they searched his prison
But could only see themselves in chains
– Mahmoud Darwish
Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Read The Prince by Machiavelli. Read The Republic by Plato.
Imagine doing a trip where you took photographs and printed your own postcards everyday. You send one to a different friend or family member every morning. In essence, it is a form of “organic” blogging. Since you cannot write a real blog or on social media, whatever you want to say has to be written on these postcards alone. When people receive them they may not necessarily understand the single postcard without the others to see the full story. In the future, if people wanted to find your journal or “blog” from that trip, they would have to collect or find every postcard. Could also be done with watercolors or polaroids. I sent a postcard from Ramallah to the US for 1.5 shekels, which is less than 50 cents. The Jerusalem post office cost 8 shekels. Hopefully both make it to their destinations.
May 27th, 2018 – 2 PM
I wrote two “important” political poems on the walls of the hostel. A and I visited the Yasser Arafat museum, a wonderful old home called Dar Zarhan, as well as the new Palestinian museum.
Well I made it through the West Bank checkpoint without a visa. First step was a success on journey home. Luckily, A was with me and there was a bit of a commotion at the front where the Israeli soldiers were giving a Palestinian/Muslim family, and specifically the father who had a crutch, a bunch of crap. One of the soldiers eventually came and asked for our visas and I told him I didn’t have one, but I gave him my now defunct student ID card and after a short debate they let me through. We had to get off the bus and take another to Jerusalem. Earlier I realized my flight didn’t leave tomorrow but on the 29th so I am in less of a rush and get to spend one more night with my good friend. We have built a special friendship in the short time we have been around each other and I hope I get to see her again eventually in the future.
A new theory came to me tonight. More or less, I am starting to define what I consider the “entity” to be. I think it “came here” a long time ago. I don’t know how long, perhaps multiple centuries or millennia back. It saw us and has attempted to “make the world a better place.” Perhaps it believed it was “right” or “correct” to recreate our planet or society in it’s own image, mostly through technology, and also through injecting it’s own ideas of spirituality and/or religion. I would imagine that it thinks it is doing a “good thing,” and in many ways this might be true. But trying to change anything or anyone into something other than it actually is oftentimes, or perhaps always, backfires.
Perhaps “God” is unfathomable to this entity. Perhaps this “entity” cannot comprehend that this world is not the only world, but merely a stepping stone. Perhaps it somehow “unlocked” eternal life in this realm and is now “stuck here” somehow. Perhaps it’s plan was to eventually leave, but fell in love and now wants to stay. Perhaps this is the meaning of the “rapture”, or the “great leaving,” when it does eventually leave us alone.
“The road to hell is oftentimes paved with good intentions.”
Perhaps it is up to us who are “unaware”, or not aware in a “collective absolute sense”, to judge this “entity” and it’s “handiwork.” Is the world a happier or better place now than in the past because of it’s interdiction? This is a very difficult, if not impossible, question to answer. For I do not know truly what the world used to be like. I must trust the historians of the past, and even then it is “incomprehensible” because of the different “mindsets” or “weltanschauungs” that existed then and not now.
It is not hard for me to imagine however that the world was happier and better before the interdiction and it is not hard for me to see the path that we are on, which to me does not look like a happy place, but a controlled one, based on a false reality, lies, and subversion. What can I or we do about it? To me the only way to “get rid” of the entity (if that is in fact what we eventually must do) seems to be by war “where the weeds will be conspicuous,” and “pulled up easily.” Should we trust it? I don’t trust anything that thinks it knows what is best for me. Maybe it will just rise and pass away? I don’t really know at this point.
In my period of delusion, I did notice something unique and seemingly ‘definable,’ that allowed me to see a “entity” clearly. It felt something had taken control of me, or “my ideas”, or decision-making. Simultaneously, there was an external force “of people” who would “act” a certain way as if in conjunction with the manipulation going on within my head. I could be wrong, but more or less this was true for a full two months or so. It felt like something wanted me dead, but it could not harm me directly. It could only make me harm or kill myself, but through my own willpower, faith in “God,” metaphysical understanding, and eventual resurgence of spirituality, I was able to overcome it and re-achieve stability. I am now “feeling like my old self” more or less. I am not going to stop the path of study that I have been on, but I do plan on resting in my hometown for some time. I feel I have won this battle, but I must retreat to regather, study, contemplate, survive, and be prepared for anything.
I still feel that I cannot be killed unless I choose to do it myself. This may be a prime directive of the “entity” itself. I am always ready for death and consider it to be a “great gift” given to me by God when the day comes. I cannot stop in the meantime theorizing. I cannot stop debating. I cannot stop and settle. I can try and wait and see, but I cannot make any promises to anyone. I look forward to continuing my pursuit, even if I may never understand what I am here for, what I am supposed to do, or who I truly am.
Thank you Lord above for getting me through my perilous situations, for I do not think I would have made it without your support, nor do I think I would have made it through what I went through in a country other than Israel. Amen.
May 28th, 2018 – 8 AM
New dreams! I was in some sort of comedy theater troupe. Almost like pre-SNL or National Lampoon except it was “personally for me.” The comedy was improv and so strange. There would be a group talk and one person would say something and then another would respond then another. It was like everyone was just trying to make the others laugh. For some reason my old frat brother B was there. What a dark dry humor he had. I remember being there, but not taking part, like I was the ‘silent director’.
I remember three or four things clearly. I was smoking cigarettes and a joint out in the an entranceway with a bunch of the cast and I remember two police walking by and I had the distinct impression I was going to get in trouble, but they said something and just left. I remember telling a lot of people I was going to take them snow skiing at the best place in NYC. I have been to this dream version of NYC many times before. It is almost from the 80s, darker, and almost everything looks as if it is made of wood. I remember seeing a sign hanging from above a door and it had four or five (what I considered to be) presidents names, but they were slightly off. One name was John Ford.
Lastly, I remember a comedy skit where I was at a bar and a man and his girlfriend sat next to me, with the woman in between. They were trying to make me laugh. I remember she had really short shorts on and her ass cheeks were basically on the chair. I grabbed her ass and could fully feel the muscle/fat and skin texture. I told her that she had a great ass and her supposed boyfriend was not upset with me. Pretty much that is all that I remember, but it was a unique dream. I didn’t immediately remember it, but when I woke up, A who was sleeping in the dorm bed across from me told me how loud I had been snoring and then the whole dream came to me.
The fondest memories are made when gathered around the table.
Going to make an offer to my grandpa that I will film the family business documentary in exchange for helping me out a bit with my financial hole from student loans. I would like to focus on a general history layout, innovations in the field, interviews of employees and my grandpa’s success stories, reaching the pinnacle of one’s respective business or field. Instead of judging it by the ending, judge it by the whole story. Documentary should be focused on whole company, but with a focus on his story.
I want to do this for him with or without getting financial support. I know that I have got to do a lot in my life and his hardwork during these times, along with the hardwork of all of my family members who took part in the business, is directly responsible for me being able to “fully experience” life the way that I have. I do owe it to him.
In boxing or punching, the man who will win is the man whose arm will reach the point of his will fastest. Throw a punch. Notice the delay. For some men there is no delay. This takes practice. But the man whose physical action is more closely aligned with his mental will usually wins.
The same is true in battle or war. The force that can move instantly at the command of the general will usually win if the forces are of equal size. Even a smaller army that responds instantly can defeat a slow and cumbersome force.
New Trump/Israel theory:
I think Trump will run for a second term. If he does, he will win. I think he has a longer term strategy for Israel. I think he is focusing on North and South Korea unification as well as containing Russia militarily and China economically. Most probably don’t think so, but Trump is a warrior. Kim Jong-un obviously never had nukes to begin with. Iran obviously never had a chance to get nukes. Saudi Arabia was told about nukes, but thought it stupid to claim something that they did not have.
I see the Saudis collapsing in a spectacular fashion in the years to come. This will take a tremendous international effort to “help solve,” as the “character” of the Arabian Peninsula must be completely “rectified.” You can’t just pump oil forever and buy shit and think that this will last or is good for your people. Syria is more or less stable. Once Korea is unified, Iran is “stabilized”, perhaps with a revolution of it’s own, Russia is contained and “left alone”, and China is “taken care of” economically in terms of equalization of trade, Trump will in some way flip on Israel and start dictating terms rather than the other way around. Israel has dictated to the U.S. for far too long.
Everything that we have seen from Trump so far has been to gain the support, trust, and “love” of the Israeli citizens, so when he does eventually start this process they will acquiesce and support his vision over Netanyahu’s or the Israeli’s leadership. I think he will eventually call for a one-state solution and full equality among the Israelis and Palestinians. It is a disgrace that more Israeli citizens have not stood up to their government and risked their own lives or jail time for the above mentioned cause. In the US, we fought a civil war to bring the African out of slavery and on the way to equality and it was not even their country to begin with. On the other hand, the Native American population was exterminated or forced into reservations, but they live in freedom and equality to every other citizen now. More or less this is what I see coming for Israel.
Break through the Barrier
A sign of a real being is one who can change.
A sign of a real people is those who can change.
A sign of a real place is one that can change.
Stagnate no more, learn how to change.
Oh, but the fear of change is great for some.
It is by very definition, evolut-ion.
Why stay the same or be afraid?
In the end, who can we actually become?
Break through the barrier, change, and start a new day.
I will be returning to the U.S. soon. Going to get crazy in many ways when I get back. Gotta take it one step at a time. I just dropped A off at the bus station. Gonna miss her. We made a good travel team. Although different in some ways, it seemed we both had a lot of respect for one another. I’m reading Twain’s Huckleberry Finn for the first time and loving it. I got a lot of Kerouac waiting for me when I arrive home to dive into. I’ll leave for the airport tonight around 10 PM and my flight is at 5 AM in the morning from Ben Gurion. Hopefully it is a smooth process.