May 8th, 2018 – Late night
We talked of advanced tech. How can we know if anyone is real unless we have seen them age and not taken our eyes off of them the whole time? What if there are androids covered as humans? A single-minded “collectiveness” and we are not aware of them? How can we possibly “win”?
Is this crazier than my other theories? What if only our own fear can kill us by our own hands? And throughout time they mastered how to impart this fear? But, overtime, through our own ability to write horror, which eventually led to horror films, we have in some way made ourselves immune to their ability to create fear within us? And also not being afraid of pain? Through years of mediation, and years of rough sports which caused unbelievable pain, what pain would I fear? What torture would I deserve?
Seems many people look at me these days. Is that because I’m so damned handsome? Lol, total joke. Or do they know me? If they know me, how? Is this the cruel joke? Is this a reality TV show that everyone is aware of except me? My family always tried to push me into reality television when I was younger and I adamantly refused. I have always detested the idea of fame. Is this a hell of my own making? Some act like they know me and some do not, thus I feel that maybe I am not the only one not in on the joke/lie.
I ask again, ‘Could we be somewhere other than Israel and not know it?’ Could the true Iranian revolution not have been Muslim, but Jewish? All past history must be challenged, if only from my specific perspective.
‘The spectrality of events,’ and ‘the degradation of objective reality,’ has led to ‘existential alienation.’
Google Humanism, Dos Passos, Henry Miller, John Calvin, Hermeticism.
Write a book or short story about a fake biography.
“Biography of an Unknown Man”
Start at the age of say 53 and go back to “birth.” At the age of one, the boy was dropped on his head, before that talk of all brothers and sisters ‘going’. At age of being dropped on head, starting with shouting, go back from age 1 to say age 111 in a different timeline, similar but not the same. ‘Appeared’ at 53, went to 1, then was reborn and lived in a different dimension than the one from the age of 53. Same body and family. If done right, could be fun to read and shocking.
- 53 – Was ‘born’ from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Depressed.
- 52 – Had a big family. None of them cared for him. Owned a big company.
- 51-2 – Etc.
- 2 – Could only speak with hand signals.
- 1 – Dropped on head before birth.
- (Most people’s deaths happen at age of 0 when they are shoved up a small hole.)
- New 2 – Was raised playing videogames. Programmed from re-inception.
- 2 – 110 – Life of adventure. Perhaps bachelorhood.
- 111 – New ‘appearance’ or ‘birth/death’ – No kids. First of his kind. Enjoyed exploration, fishing, uncovering lies and liars, pugilism, motorcycles, and sleeping. 162 years total!
Google Goenka’s story on ‘Swimology’!
‘Space, rolling and revolving between him and his native heath, possessed and wielded the powers we generally ascribe to time.’ ‘Space, like time, engenders forgetfulness, but it does so by setting us bodily free from our surroundings and giving us back our primitive, unattached state.’ Magic Mountain – Thomas Mann
Last night I dreamt of Robin Williams! I saw he was ‘there with me’. I could hear his voice perfect. I could see his movie roles perfect. He was young and sort of looked like his image of the mime in NYC, but without facepaint. He and David Carradine might have accidentally committed suicide or accidentally shown a ‘way out.’ I said a wish that if he was the genie in Aladdin, he would be freed. What a great man!
If I had to say who my favorite actor is or was, I just might say Robin Williams.
‘Good Morning Vietnam!’
A thought or theory is coming very clearly to me.
Write a story about how the Jews wanted for so long for the Moshiach, they waited until the end of the world, and when he still didn’t come, they created a false reality and built it for him to come then. The issue was that the Moshiach had either already came or never would as he was just an idea. The problem was the stubbornness of the Rabbinate or their inability to do anything but wait, when in actuality the present moment is all there is. A comedy.
Today I had a deep realization that perhaps the Jews of the past knew something important to be true. That a life without struggle, or conflict was not worth living. That God had commanded them to not find a homeland, and not to come to peace, and that if they did so this would actually be the end of their religion. For in the past, 99% of Jews were ‘Orthodox’ and were patient. When they became impatient, and tried to take control, and built their own homeland, it led them to their own dissolution because everyone became secular. A tragedy. Some might be happy with this outcome.
‘Moving forward’, Judaism will extinguish itself purely because it ‘took control’ and ‘built or rebuilt’ a homeland. This has led them to forget the necessity of constant struggle, separation which actually gives attachment to God, and full trust. A life without ‘peaceful’ struggle and something worth dying for, in this case their families or religion in hostile territory, leads to the point that they are at now. In a constant state of war fighting for something meaningless. This has led to the ‘secular-ness’ that Judaism has become. Do I share this? That this path will lead to the dissolution of their religion? Would they care?
If the sign of a strong society or ‘ethnicity’ is allowing oneself to die or dissolve, did they know this was the only way “they could end it” and they are in essence committing collective suicide? Are they going ‘backwards’ and their true start for the diaspora is ‘now’ and not in the ‘past’? In essence, if they wanted to survive, they should give up control of Israel, leave the country, disperse, and stop trying to control everything. That would show true power.
I would say when I was young, I trusted the mainstream news. As I got older, I didn’t trust the MSM, but I trusted ‘alternative news’. Then I didn’t trust any news at all, but only what I saw. Eventually, I didn’t even trust what I saw. Now, I just mingle. If anyone calls me anything, I laugh and say, ‘Am I the crazy one or are you?’
Those who are called are those who believe they could be the ‘Messiah’. Those who get to leave, have renounced, saying “I am not the one.” For “this world is not real,” and “I am no prophet.” But, “I would fight if it mattered.”
Last night coming back from the market bars, they were supposed to have a concert. Strange banners everywhere. Very “paganistic.” A huge wind came from nowhere. I have never felt such a wind in Israel. It washed away a lot of the banners and the concert did not go on.
As I came back, I remembered something about ‘opening my ears’ and ‘releasing the clogging.’ I was working on an idea of ‘pulling and pushing a sword from the stone,’ in my head.
Write a story about how some hostels have ghosts who stay in them ‘clothed’ as humans who never leave. People who come for short periods never notice them. The owners know but don’t care because they ‘pay’. In essence the ghosts steal the essence of the new guests to transfer into money for the owners. The story is about a guy who finds out, goes from hostel to hostel around ‘old cities’, cleanses the ghosts and hostels, somehow, perhaps in the dream world that connects the “guests” together. Like a warrior in the land of dreams. Working title is ‘G Hostel Busters’ or if said quickly ‘Ghostel Busters.’ 😉
Main character: A woman’s spirit in a man’s body with no desire to be more womanly or change genders. It is a study on transgender denial and accepting one’s born gender. Doesn’t need to be explicitly explained. Write it hidden in the text. “Best” of both worlds. Exploring transgender studies subtly. Strong message.
I might have found something worth fighting and maybe dying for. The dismantling of the spy state or normalization of mass surveillance, data collection and mining, cameras, listening devices, everything that it entails. This spy state has destroyed ‘trust’ between people. That is worth fighting against. ‘Get a hammer. Destroy a camera.’ Nice motto. ‘See a camera phone. Throw it in the lake.’
On the other hand, the move towards this state could just be saying that this is the reality anyways. “At least you know it now.” Thus even if this spy state was destroyed, we would still be stuck in this inherent system.
May 9th, 2018 – 8:00 am
Holy snap! What crazy dreams! The main one I remember is that I was selected to play a role on a theater production. I think in the Middle East. This was first time I have looked in a mirror and I was someone other than ‘who I normally look like.’ I was Kanye West! I told everyone I didn’t think it was right that as a white man I was supposed to act “black.” They agreed and I changed back to my normal look. To play the same role, sort of. I saw my old self circa 2006 or 2009, darker spiked hair. Then I saw or imagined my look now, in a nice suit, very different. I kept going over my lines, but a new dream started. Kanye!
One thing that makes sense is that since I have an ‘open mind’, various entities are inserting ideas that could be completely false. So like adding connections that do not exist, etc. Contemplate more. Are we in a ‘more advanced’ time than the ‘past’ or is this just an illusion?
I moved hostels today as the last one I was staying in was getting to be a little overwhelming. Especially after someone took a direct picture of me in the hostel room at 8:00 am in the morning. I really am starting to get upset when people take pictures or video directly of me without asking my permission. I think it is extremely disrespectful.
I have been saying often that in some ways I feel it would be better to be in a prison, where I know that I am in prison, and what I can do is limited so I am not upset or feel I am not doing enough to “break free.” If I take this theory or conclusion further, ‘I’ may have already realized this and made this decision in the “past”, before coming “here.” Instead of being in ‘total freedom,’ which is in essence a bigger prison, I chose a more limited prison, which is this world. That would lead to the idea that any existence or ‘conscious awareness of existence’, is, in essence, prison.
‘Fight for your land, and accept death if need be, since death is a victory and a liberation of the soul.’ – Ancient Celtic tradition
Mors triumphalis – ‘triumphant death’, Valhalla: ‘from the palace of the chosen’, Mithra: ‘the Warrior who never sleeps.’
Maybe get a drawing pad and start sketching buildings and sights.
On another note, what if this is reality? And some entity has invaded? The way this “entity” works is by implanting ideas like, ‘this is not reality’ into the minds of influential beings. In the process of this invasion they have taken control of certain groups of people or places and are continuing to ‘win’ the war through mind control and telepathy. This causes great confusion, weakening us to make us easy to subjugate and control. Because many people in the past have had the same idea, it shows how long these entities have been working on this program. Interesting.
Surely, one who is contemplating existence must cover all forms and theories. They must exhaust all options. Before any new proximity to a new certainty can exist.
What is life with no problems? Have the true problems just been hidden underneath waiting for someone to uncover them and bring light into the darkness? A world with no true problems is ‘Heaven.’ Is this what ‘Heaven’ has become? Invaded? Can I or someone else turn the tables?
What is a man? What is a human? A China man? Or a bland man?
What is a man who only fears God? The same as a man who puts full faith in God? Can a man so connected to God, ‘Win’ against all enemies of God?
Has this not always been the case? The great battle, the great race? One man with faith never stands alone, For it is not mine, nor your home. What is an Iron Dome? Or an Iron Curtain? What can pierce it? But a man who is certainly uncertain?
For call me what you like, It is not my fault, Or my calling, But I shall carry this flag, Falling, but unfailing.
As for me, my hand is held. No bombs, nor guns, nor hollow-point shells, Can stop a man who has made it through hell.
Let’s do this.