May 8th, ’18 – Tuesday afternoon – Jerusalem

Those who cannot do, teach. Those who cannot do or teach, study.

I am merely “riding the tiger” in the tourist trap that is this world, and this city.

1st rule of the Messiah Complex that is Israel: Never consider or call yourself the Messiah or Moshiach.
2nd rule is to claim, within, this is not real. Perhaps reality no longer exists, or it is currently beyond our senses.

3rd rule is there are no rules and we, as in I, don’t know shit.

4th rule is if someone does something you think is wrong or injust, challenge them. If it comes to it, fist fight. Either you get your face punched, or they will. Best thing that can happen is you or they will get knocked into or out of one’s senses. Essentially the same.

5th rule is fuck rules.

6th rule is if someone tries to video you or take your picture without asking permission, tell them to fuck off or a challenge will come. Highly disrespectful to take pictures without asking permission.

7th rule is the Jews of Israel acting like they have a democracy here when only Jews can become citizens is the same as the US thinking they can only have a democracy as long as only whites are the supra-majority of voters, or men. What a joke of a democracy. Democracy should be based on merit, not religion or color.

8th rule: I can only die by my own hand. I’ll wait for someone to prove me wrong.

I have been reading once again Julius Evola’s book “Ride the Tiger.” I will add some excerpts from this book and others verbatim of my written notes, perhaps adding bits and pieces of my own interpretations.

“The phrase ‘ride the tiger’ is a Far Eastern saying, expressing the idea that if one succeeds in riding a tiger, not only does one avoid having it leap on one, but if one can keep one’s seat and not fall off, one may eventually get the better of it.”

“Those who are interested may be reminded of a similar idea found in the schools of traditional wisdom, such as the “ox-herding” episodes of Japanese Zen; while in classical antiquity there is a parallel in the trials of Mithras, who lets himself be dragged by the bull and will not let go until the animal stops, where upon Mithras kills it.”

If there is anything ‘special’ in my blood, it may be that I came from a long lineage of bull-riders on both sides of my family. I never thought that it might mean something, but to me it does here. I like this analogy, for I surely feel I am on a wild bull. I could jump off, as maybe many before me have, or I could stay and see what happens. (My worst fear is that whether I stay on or jump off does not matter.) Is there a right or wrong ‘decision?’ Can I even make a decision or is this “ability to choose” a great lie?

I like to watch my own wounds heal. The sight of a scab forming, tearing off, reforming new skin… It makes me feel alive. I’ve never had such a deep wound to “heal on my own,” for I say “enough with doctors.”

“The texts that discuss the Kali Yuga and the Age of Kali also declare that the norms of life, valid during epochs in which divine forces were more or less alive and active, must be considered as cancelled in the final age. During the latter lives an essentially different human type who is incapable of following the ancient precepts.” I surely feel this way at the moment. I do not trust any precepts. All I want to do is fight and yet I will not start a fight. But I will keep making challenges until someone accepts and throws the first punch.

“Thus the principle to follow could be that of letting the forces and processes of this epoch take their own course, while keeping oneself firm and ready to intervene when “the tiger, which cannot leap on the person riding it, is tired of running.” “Resist not evil.” “One abandons direct action and retreats to a more internal position.” I am in this process of retreating, but it is not because I am weak. It is because I am in the process of bramycharya studying. I am in contemplation. What would be the point of me running away too far? Or retreating to the other side of the world? For the fight has been pushed upon me here, thus I shall hold my position until I am either relieved or figure out how to proceed.

“This is a struggle for the sake of modern man, that man who no longer has any roots in the sacred soil of tradition, wavering in search of himself between the peaks of civilizations and the abysses of barbarism, trying to find a satisfactory meaning for an existence completely left to itself.” – Robert Reiniger

“If God does not exist, everything is permitted.” – Dostoyevsky

“If God exists, nothing(ness) is permitted.”

Dostoyevsky makes Kirlov say that man invented God just to be able to go on living. Perhaps this is a possibility, but if one has experienced the “connection” to God through Faith, I would say this is also a fallacy. Sartre, “Even if God existed, nothing would change.” How does he know?

“Thus there are two phases: The first is a sort of metaphysical or moral rebellion. The second is the phase in which the very motives that had implicitly nourished that rebellion give way and dissolve. For a new type of man, they are empty. This is the nihilistic phase in the proper sense, whose chief theme is the sense of the absurdity, the pure irrationality of the human condition.”

“Only yesterday it was a matter of writers, painters, and ‘damned poets’ living on the edge, often alcoholics,  mingling their talents with the climate of existential dissolution and with irrational rebellion against established values.” Going further, “Rimbaud’s extreme form of rebellion was the renunciation of his own genius, poetic silence, and immersion in practical activity.” To me, this sounds like a great plan of action.

Lautreamont – “Received life like a wound, and forbid the suicide from cursing his injury.” I can relate to this greatly as well.

“Andre Breton declared that the simplest surrealist act would be to go out into the street and shoot passersby at random. They sought to attain the only possible meaning of existence, after rejecting suicide as the radical solution for the metaphysically abandoned individual.” Really identifying with the pessimism of these individuals.

In it’s current forms, the rebellion is a sheer, irrational movement “without a flag.” Should there be a flag carrier? Should the rebellion be picked up once again? How would this work? Is it pointless?

The American counterpart, the “hipster” and Beat generation showed “a destructive, voiceless rage,” as somebody put it, a contempt for “those incomprehensible characters who are capable of being seriously involved with a woman, a job, a cause.” – Podhoretz  Is it possible for me to ever be serious about any of these three again? Or is it a joke to try?

‘The organized insanity of the normal world.” or the “Organized sanity of the crazy world?” The books of Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg were inspired by this climate. “From the beginning it was never anything but chaos: It was fluid which enveloped me, which I breathed in through the gills.” – Henry Miller

“We are the ghosts of a war that we have not fought,” and “It seems to us that God has died of old age, and we exist without a goal.” by Paul van den Bosch in Les enfants de l’absurde. “We are not embittered;… We start from zero,” and “We were born among the ruins. When we were born, the gold was already turned into lead.”

Hi Ho Tiger! Only Fear is the Mind-Killer!

For what can a man do,
When another wants him dead?
Run, or hide, or build a wall,
Or hide in a rain shed?

For the rain will always come,
Unless we suck up all the clouds,
Maybe can pull a star,
Down into the cellar of cows?

For this man,
Has no fate,
For he sees nothing to wait,
God is not dead,
He is not late,
Just on a date,
Who can blame a man, who
Wants to rest with fate?

For, my rock is faith,
I do not see why a man would be killed,
Who only lived for living’s sake?
But, I leave this up to him,
Tov, ran away from Shem?
Why? Just to make him scared?
Okie dokie, hard to stop smoking.
Maybe I will try, but it’s sort of a joke, ni?

Blind houses,
House blind mouses,
That deaf cats cannot hear,
Have no fear,
The Blindhouse is near,
Where the Lions Lie with Deer.

“The Survival Rate for Everyone on a Long Enough Timeline is Zero”

Land of Idols
What have you become?
Just a room of listening devices,
A watching room watching one run?
Are you so boring that you have nothing to do?
Except watch, plan, and scheme?
Hoping for your own doom?
An all-seeing tooth,
Can see nothing at all,
When it’s mouth is closed,
What the hell is light yall?
How can you scare a man to death,
Who is already dead?
Yes, that is what I said.

 

So many dreams lately, I will start writing at least one per post:

Last night, I had a dream I was in a SUV, passenger side. Brother and a friend was in back seats. I did not recognize the driver. He was going in circles. Like a 30 yard by 30 yard square. There was trees in the yard and kids running around. At first he was going slow. Then he started to really pick up speed and I was really angry he would not stop. He was going so fast he either was hitting kids or not. I eventually opened the door and jumped out. Brother was still in back. Driver finally stopped the car and all I wanted to do was beat the shit out of him. Ran to the car, pulled the driver out with my brother and then I woke up.

More to come tomorrow…