Stuck in a room. Shouting, crying for help, not knowing where to go or what to do.

“Why Lord have you forsaken me? What have I done to deserve this fate?” “You asked for this mission my child and you have received what you asked. You will make it through this ordeal. Keep your faith.”

Running around, his mind gone, stuck in a room for years and decades, a post was sent that described how this man found his foundation. Some say that for this post and the next, he was sent to the land of hell. I present it here untouched.

Building One’s Armor – This American Sadhu Archives: Part 2

Originally posted March 8th, 2018

Although I was born and raised Christian, I do not label myself a Christian at the moment. The reason that I don’t call myself a Christian any longer is not because I do not believe in or love God or Jesus, it is because I understand the “prerequisites” of what a Christian considers a Christian to be. Out of my respect for Christianity, I do not label myself a Christian. But I have all the respect in the world for those that do.

To me it is like this. Once someone “finds God”, there is no longer a “need” to continue to label oneself anything. To me the greatest success of Jesus, or the type of Christianity that I was raised with, is his or its ability to point the direction to God. Many Hindu authors I have read have a perfect way of describing this process. If one wants to find God, one has to look for a signpost first. They say, “Imagine God to be the moon over the horizon. Sometimes the moon is hazy or foggy, so it is hard to see. To make it easier to see the moon, look for a tree branch in front of the moon. Once you see the branch, look further and you will eventually see the moon. Once you see the moon, you don’t necessarily have to continue to look for or at the branch.” In essence Jesus was to me the tree branch that I needed to see God. For whatever reason, this path worked for me. I was able to see and connect to the moon (God)… Jesus would not be upset with me that I do not feel the need or obligation to continue to look for him. He would be happy that I found the moon; that’s what his life was meant for… to lead us towards God, to lead us to the water… After that it is purely up to us individually to drink the water, or not. You can lead a horse… yadda yadda yadda.

I always like to ask the question to Christians, “Do you think Jesus would have wanted to have a religion built upon him? Or more specifically do you think he would have wanted to be “worshipped”?” If Jesus would have answered yes to either, he would not have deserved either. If he would have said no, I ask why do you continue to worship him and go against his will? When I thought about this, I stopped “worshipping” him. I learned to talk with the One above that Jesus wanted me to learn to talk to… My connection to God is not a “worshipping” relationship, it is an equal one. The worst marriages are when either “partner” feels superior to the other. A “relationship” with God is completely the same.

Christianity, Jesus, and the Bible are all still very important parts of my life. I still read the Bible quite often. I still pray almost every day. I still research and read about Jesus’s life and Christianity, a lot. In those regards, I would say I am just as “Christian” as anyone, and more so in many ways… Like I said, I just understand the “prerequisites” that most Christians consider someone to be or have to label themselves as a Christian. Since I do not fit all of the prerequisites, out of my respect for Christianity itself, I do not label myself as one. Although, if someone asks, I always say that I was raised Christian.  I am eternally and forever grateful to the religion, the teachers, and people that I grew up with helping me and guiding me along the way. I know that the “foundation” that I built during this time period, even if difficult at times, is one of the most important aspects of who I am today.

At this moment, I do not exclusively study Christianity. I have studied about all religions and practiced applying certain aspects of each one, to experience and verify whether or not they were also onto something perhaps unique to their own religion. To me God would have never made it easy by putting all the most important aspects of religion or spirituality into a single religion. I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. Personally, although the foundation of Christianity was extremely important for me, I still was not truly happy or “at peace with myself” from only practicing Christianity. And thus I was eventually “forced” to surrender to God and I asked him to teach me more. A long time ago after I “found Him” and asked him to “teach me” what He wanted me to know, he slowly led me to who I am now. Everything that I have learned from other religions, spiritualities, philosophies, and metaphysics have been because he knew the “sincerity” or my surrender. It was not a half-ass request… God has this power; to know who are sincerely seeking Him and who are sincerely asking Him for guidance in order to be his servant or messenger. He sends the calls, but it is up to us whether or not we sincerely answer. I say thank you to Him everyday for believing in me that I had what it took…

It has not been an easy path… And it will not be an easy path for I have asked him to test and challenge me constantly to the limits of what I can take. These limits have constantly increased as time has gone by. The challenge I have before me at this moment is probably the greatest test that He has put me through, but I asked for it… To “build me up” to where I could eventually be sent on the most difficult “missions” that He needed someone to see through. Although I may come up a little short, I know that I will give it my best. That is all that I or anyone can do; to give our best. I know there are many people in the world who have helped me to become who I am, and I thank all of them as well, for God has also worked through them… I ask those who believe to pray for me as I have a very tough challenge ahead. I shall make it through this abyss, but it will be a deep struggle. In the end ultimately it is all about the journey and not the destination… Cliche but true.

Thank you for reading this…

Just wanted to share this fully and get it off of my chest…

Peace, Shalom, and Namaste!

Blessed.